I'm useless. Yes, I do believe I'm useless. A lot of people around me have helped convincing me that I am. I'm not asking for attention and I do not want ANY sort of extra attention at all. This is definitely not the first time I've been called useless and as many times as I hear this word, it will still hurt me. It KILLS me every time this one specific person constantly tells me that I'm useless. It hurts and it will always hurt but nobody seems to care. As much as I do FOR them, it will appear as if I'm doing something bad TO them. It's really unfair but I have learned to live with that. Then only thing I still haven't learned to live with, is being called useless and I don't think I 'll ever get used to it. Not in a million years!
I long for that one person that will magically appear and become my shoulder to cry on. I promise I will be the best, best friend anyone could ever have. I've never had a successful friendship that would last. Ever. I have my cousins and I trust them but not to an extent where I would tell them everything. Plus, everyone thinks of me as this always cheerful, extremely joyful person. They think I have it all. They think I'm the happiest person alive going to a good school, living in a good house, with a good family. But they say, never a rose without the prick. Which is actually true, nothing and no one is perfect. I feel like it's my fault I haven't ever had a successful friendship. Maybe it's because I'm not like all other girls. Maybe it's because I'm not as girly or delicate. Maybe it's because of my slightly (not really) boyish acts or preference of boys over girls. Maybe it's because of my not-so-perfect (more like not perfect at all) appearance. I've read lots of stories, and nearly all of them had best friends in them or a comforting pet. I have none of these. I do have some pretty close friends but none I can tell everything to.
It's sad really, how you think someone could be a role model to you but turn out to be full of lies. It's also sad that people don't take into consideration of other people's feelings. They don't think "Oh, this might be a little too mean. Let me just keep this to myself." They don't care at all. I've always thought that this one particular person is selfless and kind-hearted but I guess not. To whoever is reading this, please think of what you say to people and remember they have feelings. The coldest people can be the most affected. I've been kind of cold which is making me slightly feel better because they're bothering me less than they used to. I keep telling myself that it won't bother me and I keep trying to convince myself but it doesn't work.
It's all psychological. Feelings are just little senses that your brain creates. It's not necessary for you to have feelings all the time. I'm not saying you should always be mean or anything of that sort. Think about what you say, but don't excessively think about it. Be selfless, but also think of yourself. Care, but don't give anyone the satisfaction of having someone to use or take advantage of.
I'm really glad not many know about my blog. Only three know my blog and also kinda know me personally. And I'd like to keep it that way. Please to whoever knows me, I rather you not tell anyone about this. I can say whatever I want here and not think of what anyone's going to say. I can tell my true feelings and remove my very happy façade comfortably. Anonymity is more comfortable to me and I'll make this all more public once I'm convinced that I want to or should.
I long for that one person that will magically appear and become my shoulder to cry on. I promise I will be the best, best friend anyone could ever have. I've never had a successful friendship that would last. Ever. I have my cousins and I trust them but not to an extent where I would tell them everything. Plus, everyone thinks of me as this always cheerful, extremely joyful person. They think I have it all. They think I'm the happiest person alive going to a good school, living in a good house, with a good family. But they say, never a rose without the prick. Which is actually true, nothing and no one is perfect. I feel like it's my fault I haven't ever had a successful friendship. Maybe it's because I'm not like all other girls. Maybe it's because I'm not as girly or delicate. Maybe it's because of my slightly (not really) boyish acts or preference of boys over girls. Maybe it's because of my not-so-perfect (more like not perfect at all) appearance. I've read lots of stories, and nearly all of them had best friends in them or a comforting pet. I have none of these. I do have some pretty close friends but none I can tell everything to.
It's sad really, how you think someone could be a role model to you but turn out to be full of lies. It's also sad that people don't take into consideration of other people's feelings. They don't think "Oh, this might be a little too mean. Let me just keep this to myself." They don't care at all. I've always thought that this one particular person is selfless and kind-hearted but I guess not. To whoever is reading this, please think of what you say to people and remember they have feelings. The coldest people can be the most affected. I've been kind of cold which is making me slightly feel better because they're bothering me less than they used to. I keep telling myself that it won't bother me and I keep trying to convince myself but it doesn't work.
It's all psychological. Feelings are just little senses that your brain creates. It's not necessary for you to have feelings all the time. I'm not saying you should always be mean or anything of that sort. Think about what you say, but don't excessively think about it. Be selfless, but also think of yourself. Care, but don't give anyone the satisfaction of having someone to use or take advantage of.
I'm really glad not many know about my blog. Only three know my blog and also kinda know me personally. And I'd like to keep it that way. Please to whoever knows me, I rather you not tell anyone about this. I can say whatever I want here and not think of what anyone's going to say. I can tell my true feelings and remove my very happy façade comfortably. Anonymity is more comfortable to me and I'll make this all more public once I'm convinced that I want to or should.
don't feel like this. Just because things arent working the way you want them to doesn't mean u are useless! You are worth it! You are special as you and soon you will know. We can always connect the dots only at the end.
ReplyDeleteIf you can please read: The Secret . It changed my life when i was in ur same situation.
If you want somebody to talk to email me at thechicandcheapblog@hotmail.com i will be more than glad to help u.
hugs dear!!
Dearest most beloved N,
ReplyDeleteTo make you feel better, this is just a rough patch in life, something we like to call a hiccup. Don't look at the past to redeem your painful memories, but as a reference that you made it and you've reached beyond whats expected. Know that people who call you useless do not deserve you or your time, prove them wrong. People tend to say actions speak louder than words, but don't words hit you hard like bullets and actions just last a few seconds when words can last a lifetime? We want to assure you, that if you needed a shoulder to cry on, we're always here for you- for anything. You are not alone on this boat, there are others out there who share the same feeling. In life we do stumble upon a path that misleads us to a dark whole, but you can always walk out of it. And if you needed someone to guide you through, we're here to hold your hands.
We absolutely agree with The chic and cheap. If you needed someone to hear you, and not judge you based on your thoughts and feelings you can always come to us. Here's our email: dubaians@live.com. Please do not hesitate to contact us.
Lots of Love
Xxxxx