Useless

I'm useless. Yes, I do believe I'm useless. A lot of people around me have helped convincing me that I am. I'm not asking for attention and I do not want ANY sort of extra attention at all. This is definitely not the first time I've been called useless and as many times as I hear this word, it will still hurt me. It KILLS me every time this one specific person constantly tells me that I'm useless. It hurts and it will always hurt but nobody seems to care. As much as I do FOR them, it will appear as if I'm doing something bad TO them. It's really unfair but I have learned to live with that. Then only thing I still haven't learned to live with, is being called useless and I don't think I 'll ever get used to it. Not in a million years!  

I long for that one person that will magically appear and become my shoulder to cry on. I promise I will be the best, best friend anyone could ever have. I've never had a successful friendship that would last. Ever. I have my cousins and I trust them but not to an extent where I would tell them everything. Plus, everyone thinks of me as this always cheerful, extremely joyful person. They think I have it all. They think I'm the happiest person alive going to a good school, living in a good house, with a good family. But they say, never a rose without the prick. Which is actually true, nothing and no one is perfect. I feel like it's my fault I haven't ever had a successful friendship. Maybe it's because I'm not like all other girls. Maybe it's because I'm not as girly or delicate. Maybe it's because of my slightly (not really) boyish acts or preference of boys over girls. Maybe it's because of my not-so-perfect (more like not perfect at all) appearance. I've read lots of stories, and nearly all of them had best friends in them or a comforting pet. I have none of these. I do have some pretty close friends but none I can tell everything to.

It's sad really, how you think someone could be a role model to you but turn out to be full of lies. It's also sad that people don't take into consideration of other people's feelings. They don't think "Oh, this might be a little too mean. Let me just keep this to myself." They don't care at all. I've always thought that this one particular person is selfless and kind-hearted but I guess not. To whoever is reading this, please think of what you say to people and remember they have feelings. The coldest people can be the most affected. I've been kind of cold which is making me slightly feel better because they're bothering me less than they used to. I keep telling myself that it won't bother me and I keep trying to convince myself but it doesn't work.

It's all psychological. Feelings are just little senses that your brain creates. It's not necessary for you to have feelings all the time. I'm not saying you should always be mean or anything of that sort. Think about what you say, but don't excessively think about it. Be selfless, but also think of yourself. Care, but don't give anyone the satisfaction of having someone to use or take advantage of.

Nothing Will Ever Be The Same

Nothing will ever be the same. When a paper is crumbled, you can't un-crumble it, right? Trust and friendship are the same. When they are slightly ruined, they can ever be the same no matter how hard you try. Six months of sisterhood and friendship all gone. Disappeared. It's like we started from zero, like we started all over again but nothing will ever go back the way it is. Have you ever had this HUGE fight with someone and one of you apologized to the other but you know it'll never be the same? This is  what is happening right now. Don't exactly have much to write but yeah, that's it.

AT LAST :'D

FINALLY! FINALLY! I KNOW IT HASN'T BEEN LONG (sorry i'm so ecstatic I kept the caps lock on) since my previous post. In fact, it has only been 20 minutes but anywaaaaayy euydfgchwildhkfcn! MY BEST FRIEND AND I ARE BACK TO BEING BEST FRIENDS! WOOOOOT WOOOOOT!! I'm so happy! I'm over the moon! Bye though I'm pretty sure no one will read my posts and I'm just talking to myself..

Letting It Out

So yaaayy me! I lost my best friend! The only time I've ever had a real best friend whom I tell EVERYTHING to, is gone. Just. Like. The. Wind. This is bothering! Very bothering! She knows that it's the first time I've ever had a real best friend but noooo! It's okay! She can lose her best friend because she has other people! She has other best friends! Well I do too but we share the same best friends.. I hate it so much! So a couple of minutes ago,  one of my best friends (our mutual best friend) DMs me on twitter and asks about what happened and then I told her that we had a huge fight revolving a secret of hers and stuff and I've never said this before but it was the first and last time I'll ever say that "You can go ask her, I don't want her to say that I am unworthy again" I lowered myself and said that! Who would ever say that? NO ONE! okay maybe some people would but what? 10 out of a million? So then xxx(our mutual best friend) says "you guys better get over this you're like sisters." it was actually pretty funny! I told her "you mean were.." Super short post I know but just wanted to get that off my chest. We've actually been not best friends for over a week but nobody noticed -which is good when you think about it. You won't get asked questions like you're in an interview or something-. Only one of our best friends knew because she's in the same school as ours, the other two are in different schools though we're still all really close.

No title

Yes, I might be your typical teenager who loves the internet and all but there's this one thing that might make different between all the other Emiraties. It might be stupid but believe me it has changed me a lot and it has had a really big impact on my life. I'm not completely Emirati. Some of you might say "Yeah, and? What is your point exactly?" or "I'm not completely Emirati, it hasn't done anything to me." well in may case it's different. A few years back, and all my life too (both past and present), I have been teased at because I can't talk proper Emirati. I can't talk like them. I never knew how to, and I don't think I ever will. My accent is just not like theirs. i don't get why they bully me about it and all! In the present, they don't bully me, they just joke around about how I can't talk like them. In the past they used to bully me and all the kids used to laugh at me and I used to go home crying to my parents and tell them that I've bee bullied when I said the word so and so. I used to take it so seriously because it got to me. I have learned to brush it off and act as if nothing has happened.

Brushing off everything might not be a good thing all the time. I used to brush a lot of stuff off all the time. My mom used to tell me that it was okay and that talking back won't help. Now I learned that it does. Talking back does do something, it helps me get everything off my chest. It makes me feel better. It might be rude and all but it isn't entirely my fault that they were rude to me in the first place. Yes you might say that it's so stupid of me to do that but when I'm in an argument I won't back away and it won't end until I win. Nowadays I started talking back to one of my teachers that constantly picks on me, emails my parents and blames everything on me. She is one of the moodiest people I've ever seen! The way she will teach relies on her mood. She won't put her problems or mood swings aside and teach us properly. She never does and she never did either. I hate her guts and she too. Since we n=both share the same feelings why don't we put them out in the open? Anywaayyy, don't always brush off everything. I'm not saying you should have an argument about every little and big thing. When something really gets to you, don't ignore it. It's your right to tell them that they have done or said something rude. Never stay quite about something that really bothers you. If someone bothered you, tell them. You don't have to be mean when telling them. You should never forget having a backup plan or situations showing when someone did something wrong in an argument.

Treating me in a shitty way? Oh no no no. That I won't let slide away easily. You either respect me or leave me alone. Don't treat me in a crappy way unless you are willing to do something to yourself. I don't hate anything as much as someone treating me like trash. I hate it! I'm constantly being treated really bad everywhere! Both at home and school. At school I'd either tell them and really get mad or just furiously barge away where they'd come back and apologize. Home? I'd love to get this off my chest! I can't do anything about it and if I dead then I'd be digging my own grave. I am the youngest between my siblings. Yes I do get spoiled a lot, yes I get almost everything I want but not exactly what I need. If I said something my parents'll say "We gave you this and bought you that. You should thank God that you have all these thing and blah blah you know the rest

Start All Over

Just like the title says, I want to start all over. I don't exactly want to delete my first post because, I don't know I just don't. Whatever. Anyway, my point is my blog officially starts from the next post. I think I don't want to delete my first post because I'm actually pretty impressed with my writing, I never thought could write like that.

Much love,

N xx